Let’s Stop Shoulding People

Problems start when the shoulds start flying.

We all have our own beliefs…

About what work should be done and how it should be done
About when and where work should be done
About how employees should behave

We each have an imaginary yardstick and we use it to measure the actions of others.

And yet…

Our yardsticks are calibrated differently
So, others often fail to measure up
And conflicts erupt

As leaders, our role is not to judge others by imposing our yardsticks on them, but to foster an environment where people and innovation can thrive.

To break free from the confines of “should” and unlock creativity and collaboration:
1. Empower employees to explore new possibilities and think outside the box
2. Ask open-ended, questions to understand the needs behind the shoulds
3. Paraphrase what you hear and confirm your understanding

And when underlying needs are not aligned:
1. Share your perspective and highlight common ground
2. Reframe the issue as a problem to be solved together
3. Ask more open-ended questions and share ideas to elicit potential solutions
4. Agree on the path(s) forward together.

Replace judgment with curiosity. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes.

Melissa Janis builds management capabilities to create a workplace that's better for your employees and better for your bottom line.