The Amazing Thing that Happens in Women’s Fitting Rooms

If you have never tried on clothing in a communal women’s fitting room, you might be surprised to know that we offer our opinions to other women about the clothes they are trying on. 

It’s true! Complete strangers, in various stages of undress, collaborate to help each other find flattering clothing.

What’s really amazing is that the interactions are always exceedingly nice, positive and uplifting, even though the comments are incredibly critical and personal. After all, when she says it’s too tight, isn’t my weight involved?

How can collaboration be so easy with strangers in a fitting room, but so challenging with colleagues at work?

It’s logical to think this is the case precisely because these conversations happen between strangers who will never see each other again. Maybe. Maybe not. After all, there’s still plenty of risk involved when offering an opinion in the absence of a relationship. There’s no trust nor any idea how the other person may react. What really differs is the level of vested interest — we have none in the fitting room but boatloads at work.

When it’s important to be seen as “nice” at work, “nice” gets in the way of collaborating.

Collaboration entails sharing constructive feedback. Because candor can be construed as “not nice,” we tend to hold back at work in order to prevent hurting others’ feelings or embarrassing them in a group setting. Unfortunately, when we hold back, we hold others back. We hold ourselves back. We hold the business back.

Being nice and being candid are not mutually exclusive; truly being nice requires candor. Why? Because “nice” is about helping someone else, especially when it is uncomfortable. “Nice” is about making it comfortable for someone to share their thoughts with us too.

Women can exchange candid feedback in the fitting room because we know the comments come with good intent and are framed respectfully. We engage in the conversation, willing to help someone else by telling the truth — as we see it. We are eager for the same, inviting and appreciating the feedback that comes our way. We welcome opinions because we understand that other people see us differently than we do, and their feedback can help us.

Now that’s nice.

Melissa Janis builds management capabilities to create a workplace that's better for your employees and better for your bottom line.